Air Hostess
by The Botherer
Summary: AU: Strong Bad is a 'stewardess' for an airline and Homestar is ridiculously scared of flying. Slash: Homestar/Strong Bad. Don't like don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Strong Bad had been fired and re-hired from his job countless times. Somehow having an airline named after someone means that people tend to not like it when you fire said person. However, no one could honestly say that he was any _good_ at being a flight attendant. Generally, a stewardess would be polite, patient and efficient. Strong Bad could never be any of these things. He _would_ never be any of them. He only kept the stupid job because it seemed to be the only one where he could do whatever he wanted and still be a permanent employee. And he got to fly for free.

His uniform barely followed the standards. There was no chance of giving up his signature wrestling-styled black tights and red boots. He'd at least tied his hair back, so why should they complain? Who cares if he isn't wearing a shirt under his jacket? Shirts are only uncomfortable anyway. The orange necktie was a bit of a girly touch but unfortunately he had no way of avoiding that one. He _did_ like the gold pin he wore on his jacket. That was mainly because he'd designed said pin. But that's not the point.

Strong Bad straightened his hat as he ambled up the steps to the aircraft. It wasn't completely unusual for him to be a bit late, but at least he arrived before the passengers this time. He was supposed to be awaiting instruction from whoever was in charge…though he didn't have a clue who that was exactly. Shrugging it off, he walked over to the refreshment carts and inspected what was meant to be "served to the passengers". That phrase actually meant what boxes Strong Bad would raid for the good stuff, while ignoring the crappy side to airplane food. The drinks weren't all that bad though. On today's menu (as far as he could tell) there was a cookie, a small chocolate bar and a…turkey sandwich. He at least assumed by its funny colouring that it was turkey. Taking a few boxes' worth of cookies and such - ignoring the suspect lunchmeat on the more suspect bread - he wandered over to the front of the aircraft where the other attendants were gathering. There only seemed to be about two others today, which meant that the flight wasn't particularly full. All the better. Strong Bad didn't quite enjoy being around people anyway. After paying virtually no attention to the instructions given, he lurked around the back of the aircraft to wait for all the passengers to be shown their seats by someone else.

Homestar could not stand flying. He hated the packed airports, the rush to board the aircraft, the stress of taking off without crashing, the painfully long wait during the flight, the useless food, the stress of landing without crashing, and trying to find his luggage afterward. However he had to attend his cousin's wedding the next day and flying was the only way he'd get there on time. He couldn't even get any coffee. Granted that giving coffee to such an energetic person was probably not the best idea, but it at least took his mind off of the intense paranoia he felt when flying.

As he shakily ascended the steps to board the dreaded flying machine of potential death, Homestar clamped his hand around the strap of his backpack. It contained the simple things that would help divert his attention from the uneasiness; a couple of comic books and an mp3 player. Being greeted by friendly air hostesses made him feel slightly more comfortable. However as he was making his way along the isle he was pushed rudely aside by another flight attendant walking the in opposite direction. Homestar hadn't caught their face in time but what did catch his attention was their blue hair tied back into a short ponytail. It was an intense, vibrant colour that he'd never quite seen before…and he was completely transfixed by it. The uniform was different to the friendlier stewardesses, only half resembling theirs. The irritated stewardess stood with their hands on their hips probably being instructed on what to do next. They then abruptly turned on their heel and walked toward the back of the aircraft. As they approached, Homestar could see their face more clearly…and he couldn't stop staring. Strands of brilliant blue hair were only half brushed aside and the rest fell freely. Vibrant green eyes practically shone out from under the bangs. The colours were nothing like he'd ever seen on a person before. And then with an embarrassing twist, said flight attendant looked right at him with a "what are you looking at" expression and continued on without a second glance.

Homestar felt his face growing red. That was really weird. He'd never gotten so distracted by a stranger before, let alone on a flight which he hated more than anything else. Their face was slender and smooth with slightly girly features…and that hair actually seemed radiant in its colour. No, this was really silly. He could _not_ become so fixated on a random air hostess. He had a girlfriend back home. One who didn't seem to enjoy his company when she could be out "fighting the cause", but she was still his girlfriend nonetheless. He slipped into the aisle seat (the others alongside still unoccupied) in case he felt the need to walk around and calm down in the event of this damn flying business getting the better of him.

Homestar decided not to think too much about it and just wait until he could fill his ears with loud music and see nothing but page after page of superheroes fighting crime. However the more he tried not to think about it, the more he wanted to turn around and get another look at the incredibly rude but pretty air hostess he was now feeling slightly obsessed with. As he leaned over to peek around the corner of his seat, aforementioned air "hostess" started wandering toward the middle of the aisle. Quickly snapping back to the frontward-facing position, Homestar tried to look as unsuspicious as possible. He was unsuccessful.

Strong Bad was now passing this weirdo that kept looking at him for the second time. He was now trying to pretend that he _hadn't_ been staring. The flight attendant was unsure of what exactly to think; should he be flattered or creeped out? Strong Bad pushed his thoughts aside for a bit as he was now "supposed" to be giving safety instructions. Considering the fact that towards the back of the aircraft was pretty empty, Strong Bad had chosen to man that station. As the voiceover conveyed all the instructions, he vaguely indicated toward the exit in front of them, toward the oxygen mask mouthing something like "you'll figure it out" and then picked up a lifejacket and gave up on tying the strings after two seconds. He lifted up his hands to signify the end of his demonstration and wandered off again.

Homestar was always both freaked out and calmed down when he witnessed the safety demonstrations. The fact that something could go wrong worried him, but knowing exactly what to do also made him feel slightly better. However because this flight attendant was completely useless at their job and hardly did anything about demonstrating the proper actions to take in case of an emergency, Homestar now felt far worse than he ever had before. He had a knot in his stomach from the nerves and could not get the idea of crashing and dying due to this pathetic airline's staff out of his head.

But as nervous as he felt, he still had the insane urge to look at the flight attendant that had caught his attention and held it for so long. He was getting frustrated by this constant distraction and uneasiness caused by this stranger he didn't even know the name of. He looked up as the other attendants began to get to their stations as the plane would begin to take off. And that was when Homestar's nerves went through the roof. He decided to bury himself in his comics ahead of schedule, at least just to make taking off feel a little more bearable. Soon though, the infamous object of his recent fixation had paused next to him and was curiously looking at his reading material.

The cover had an overly muscular man in a wrestling mask and boxing gloves yelling to his sidekick Stiny about a danish. "Ah. The 'Strong Badman' series. Cool." The air "hostess" promptly slid over and sat next to Homestar trying to read the comic book over his shoulder. Only that was when Homestar clicked that this was no "hostess". And that he was now sitting next to him for no reason at all. Reading his comic book. That was about all his brain needed to slow down in order to process everything. The flight attendant was not a girl. The incredibly girly-looking one was in fact a boy. He had been instantly obsessed with a boy. His recent obsession was now sitting next to him without any introductions, or any particular reason apart from reading over his shoulder. Well that was indeed one of the weirder moments of his life.

Strong Bad noticed that this guy was obviously uncomfortable all of a sudden. How inconsiderate; now reading his comic book was going to be awkward. This weird kid kept glancing at him and he tried to ignore it for as long as possible. He got as far as reading the pages open before him until it eventually just got really annoying. "What? Do you have a problem?"

Homestar still found it difficult to process the deep, gravelly voice coming out of the pretty face he saw in front of him. Managing to suppress his awkwardness long enough, he tried to explain his irritation with the whole situation. "Uh, kinda. I have no idea who you are and you just sat down next to me and started reading over my shoulder."

"And? It's a free country." That was the excuse Strong Bad used for most of the things he did that passengers openly complained about. But it didn't seem to be working on this kid - who was probably afraid of flying on top of it all judging by his jumpiness - so he figured that he might make it slightly easier for everyone. "Fine. I'm Strong Bad. Now you know who I am."

Homestar had to admit that knowing the name of this guy did make him feel a little better. He loosened up a little and handed his new-found acquaintance/still obsessive interest a different one of his comic books. "I'm Homestar. Well you know. That's my first name. Runner's my last name." And now he was being awkward again; his cheeks going red as he felt more like a dork with each passing second.

"Homestar Runner, huh?" Strong Bad flipped through the pages of the comic book, trying to figure out if he'd read it already or not. "What, are you like some sort of athlete or something?" As far as he could tell, some parts of the story seemed familiar but he wasn't sure if he remembered it or not.

"I'm the best athlete in my neighbourhood!" Homestar beamed excitedly, forgetting that he had felt like an idiot five seconds earlier. Any time he got the chance to discuss his sporting career with anyone he immediately forgot about whatever problems he may have had earlier. However judging by Strong Bad's lack of interest in the topic, Homestar felt his spirits drop slightly. He hadn't quite expected such a reaction. What he then noticed was the unusual sensation of returning to equilibrium. They had taken off the ground and he didn't even notice a thing because he was so focused on Strong Bad. Looking at the passive expression hiding behind blue bangs, Homestar felt slightly calmer having someone he could preoccupy himself with. Maybe this flight could be better than he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

After having flipped through the comic obtained from the awkward kid sitting next to him, Strong Bad figured he needed something more interesting to do. Without much more notice than tossing the comic on Homestar's lap and mumbling a casual "see ya", he slipped back into the aisle and carried on with his 'duties'. (These generally involved screwing with the passengers' heads.) Today was a day for abusing the intercom; especially with that jittery weirdo in the back who would probably pass out if freaked out enough. Dawdling to the front of the aircraft, Strong Bad received worried glances from his colleagues.

They were fully aware of the mischief he liked to cause, and wondered if maybe someone should stand up to him for once. The only one who seemed resistant to Strong Bad's cold atmosphere (which followed him everywhere) was a bubbly girl with blonde pigtails. She bounced up to him, the freckles on her cheeks seeming rather child-like when accompanied by her friendly grin. "And what do you think you're doing?"

Strong Bad wasn't the slightest bit phased by the girl's sudden presence, or the not-so-subtle "you behave yourself now" tone she used. This was probably due to the fact that he had no recollection of her name, even though it was mentioned often. After regarding her with a cold (ineffective) glare he tried to carry on in the direction of the intercom. However this female attendant would have none of this and blocked his way, beaming at him in a sickeningly sweet way. "You didn't answer my question."

Immediately fed up with the sunshine radiating from every pore of this creepy girl, Strong Bad roughly pushed past her. He may have also grumbled a few obscenities in her direction as he went. It was then he felt the unpleasant sensation of being pulled backwards by his collar, and was forced to confront the situation. The same irritating hostess that just didn't take the hint was responsible for this. Her smile didn't fade or even shift from its friendly nature. She merely regarded him with a tone that resembled mock hurt. "Now that wasn't very nice of you, was it?"

At that moment a few pieces clicked into place. Strong Bad remembered that this girl was an athlete, which explained her freakishly strong and precise grip on his jacket. He also remembered she had a really weird name. Kinda like 'champagne' or something. Lastly, he remembered that she was difficult to get rid of. All that she did was interfere when he would plan to cause ultimate mayhem. Strong Bad suspected that she was hired solely to stop him from having fun. He was about to struggle free and offer some "helpful advice" about what exactly blondie should do with her time, when it seemed that luck was on his side after all.

A rather colourful, clumsily-crafted paper plane hit the stubborn flight attendant in the back of her head. She was forced to turn around and see where it could have originated, and Strong Bad quickly slipped off before he could be caught. Out of instinct, he moved to hide amongst the empty seats toward the back of the aircraft. He then realised he'd ducked into the seats opposite to those currently occupied by that Homestar kid he'd met earlier. The dorky one who had taken to staring at him at odd intervals once again. What a weirdo.

Homestar had felt a bit deflated when Strong Bad left almost as soon as he'd arrived, and of course decided to follow his movements for a bit to at least find out what he was doing. This was how he'd noticed the trouble that he had with the air hostess in the front. It didn't look particularly serious, but Homestar felt that he should do something to get his new-found obsession out of harm's way. It was just his natural 'hero' instinct…not that turning a torn-out page from a comic book into a paper plane was particularly heroic. But Homestar had managed to throw it hard enough to fly over the rows of seats in front of him and hit his target. Obviously she wouldn't be looking at a fully-grown adult being the culprit, so he was safe.

And if that hadn't worked out well enough for him, the flight attendant he was currently fixated with hid amongst the seats across the aisle from him. Homestar found himself involuntarily shifting his gaze back towards that beautiful logic-defying hair and those glowing eyes. He just couldn't help it. Every time he did start staring, he was on the brink of kicking himself for it. It was completely irrational, and he shouldn't be feeling this way about some stranger he'd met only a few minutes earlier. But soon his thoughts would melt away as he drank in the sight of this amazing person sitting a short distance to his right. No matter how hard he tried to resist it, he was now completely out of control. And if anything, it made his fear of flying completely dissolve from his mind.

Strong Bad decided that he now needed something to keep himself busy with in order to ignore the increasing awkwardness (emanating solely from the guy in the neighbouring seats). He gestured to Homestar to toss him one of his comic books, carefully trying to avoid attracting attention from the crazy hostess in the front. Caught slightly off-guard, Homestar handed over the one he had been currently reading without much thought; he soon regretted it due to having really gotten into that issue. Strong Bad idly flipped through the pages of the book, scanning the pictures to figure out if he was familiar with the story or not. It was then he saw the jagged remains of a page that had been torn out roughly as if it was of urgent need. Lifting himself enough to just peer over the seat in front of him, Strong Bad caught sight of the angry flight attendant waving around a creased page from a comic book (that looked as if it had been previously folded into the shape of a plane). He merely settled back on his seat and smiled to himself. Maybe that Homestar guy wasn't so bad.

break in update

After a while the hype caused by the paper plane died down, and Strong Bad was safe enough to move around freely again. He swung his legs down from the seats he'd been stretching across, making a surprisingly loud 'thud' noise on the carpeted floor. He swiftly stood up, plopped the comic book in Homestar's lap and moved to the back of the aircraft. He figured he'd sneak some more food out before they gave it all away. He picked up a box, hesitating for a moment before taking another one. The weird kid was helpful, so might as well give him something. Not that crappy airline food was anything spectacular, but it's the thought that counts.

Wary of the psycho flight attendant patrolling the front of the plane, Strong Bad hid the stolen food behind his back as he walked down the aisle. Stopping abruptly at Homestar's side, he sneaked the box into his lap before sitting down in the seat across the aisle. There was a moment of hesitation, confusion filling Homestar's eyes. Then he looked over at Strong Bad with a big, stupid grin plastered on his face. The blue-haired flight attendant was amused at the supreme level of goofiness that this kid reached. It was kind of cute, in a weird way. His cheeks turned red involuntarily at the thought. Not that he was into that kind of thing. Or boys. Strong Bad buried himself in the box of fake food that he'd procured before any other disturbing thoughts came to mind. The sandwich was very interesting to look at, yes it was…

Homestar was way too excited about getting this box of food that even the trash can would spit out. It was just the kind of gesture that proved this stranger actually cared about him, even just a little bit. Unable to help the broad smile creeping across his face, Homestar looked over at the person in the seat opposite his. He got an amused smile in return, which was all he needed. He beamed down at this token of passing concern he'd received. It was better than anything he'd ever gotten from another person in his life.

Still a little unsettled by his thought pattern, Strong Bad wasn't quite ready to look to his left. Instead, he decided to check out all the girls on the plane. It was a good plan of action. He leaned out into the aisle and scanned over the seats to see if any immediate hotties were visible. Lo and behold, a well-endowed red head was reading a book a few rows ahead. Strong Bad was ready to go chat her up, when he caught sight of the aforementioned psycho air hostess coming down the aisle. There was no option but to stay in his seat. …Damn. That just screwed up his plans to secure his self-image. Now he was perfectly susceptible to doubting his sexuality because of one dorky kid. Just great.

Homestar sensed that Strong Bad's mood had changed, (it was as if the cabin temperature had dropped by more than thirty degrees), and so he peered around the seat in front of him to see what was going on. Realising it must have been the blonde flight attendant that did it, he figured he needed to pull off something heroic again. The paper plane won't work twice, she'd figure out that it was him. He needed something else. Glancing at the bag of peanuts in the box Strong Bad had given him, a smile slowly spread across his face. He picked up a few, hid the packet, and pretended to read his comic book. When the stewardess was facing the other way, he threw one of the peanuts at her, hitting her on the back. He quickly hid behind his book as she spun around. He had to suppress a giggle as she looked around for the source of the attack. As soon as she turned around again, he fired another peanut at her. This was way more fun than he'd expected it to be. He got some more peanuts out of the bag, stocking up his ammunition.

Strong Bad had seen something flying at the air hostess (who was blocking his view of the red-haired beauty), but wasn't sure what it was. He glanced over at the dork next to him hiding behind his comic book, trying to stop himself from laughing. Soon he started launching more things at her. Turns out they were peanuts. Trust the weird kid to do something stupid like that. Still, Strong Bad couldn't help but smile. It was a nice gesture, irritating the flight attendant that forced him into hiding. She'd ruined all his fun, so he was glad to see her disorientated and angry. He soon joined in with flicking peanuts, but rather aiming for the floor where she'd have to clean them up.

It was probably not so smart to make it as noticeable, because now she was really pissed off. She stormed along the aisle, glaring at the passengers trying to find the culprits. Sensing that they needed somewhere better to hide, Strong Bad quickly yanked Homestar out of his seat and dragged him to the back of the plane. He shoved him into the cramped bathroom and squeezed in beside him, locking the door quickly. It wasn't the best choice in regards to space, but it was the safest. He leaned against the door and gave a sigh of relief. He felt just like a little kid. It was awesome.

Homestar however, was feeling nervous as hell. It was one thing for the person you were fascinated with to join in on your game of throwing peanuts at the air hostess. (Which was very, very cool.) But it was something else entirely when you were locked in the ever-so-tiny airplane bathroom with them. His face was red and he could feel he was sweating slightly. It just wouldn't stop. He felt like a dork for it, and tried to avoid looking at Strong Bad. Of course the more he tried not to stare, the more he did. Just like a love-struck teenager, his heart pounded at his ribcage and his stomach fluttered. It was embarrassing to feel so helpless against his emotions. But Strong Bad was so damn pretty. Stupid wonderful air 'hostess'.

Noticing that Homestar was now all jittery and red in the face, Strong Bad realised that maybe it wasn't the best idea to be hiding in the same bathroom as him. Though he did feel kind of flattered (and weirded out) that this kid had such a huge crush on him. The thought crossed his mind that maybe, just maybe, he should go along with this. Of course, everything about him said that it would never ever happen in a million years. His character practically screamed "I like boobs". But this kid was super hard to ignore. He was dorky and weird, probably annoying too…and not to mention really childish. Then again, so was Strong Bad.

Fed up with the awkward tension, Strong Bad muttered "What the hell, why not?" before grabbing Homestar's shirt and pulling him into a kiss. Homestar was a bit slow to react due to shock, but when he came around he wrapped his arms tightly around Strong Bad. Feeling very light-headed he quickly broke the kiss to breathe, and stared at the vibrant green eyes that would stay in his memory forever. He smiled involuntarily, getting a strange look in return. It was the best kiss he'd ever had, in the last place he would have ever imagined it to be. Flying was previously his least favourite thing in the world. Now he never wanted to touch the ground again.

Strong Bad climbed up onto on the counter, almost sitting in the sink, before kissing Homestar again. They could be in there for a while, so it had to be comfortable. The crazy flight attendant probably wouldn't calm down for a long time…but that was perfectly alright with him. That just meant more time for making out. He pulled on Homestar's shirt, wrapped his arms around him, and restlessly tugged at his hair. He was getting turned on, (hiding and breaking the rules always did it), and wanted him to figure it out. However subtlety is lost on Homestar, and being an impatient person Strong Bad gave up on that approach. He leaned in close and whispered in his ear. Homestar went bright red, his eyes shot open and his heart skipped a beat. His mouth opened slightly in confusion, and all he got was a mischievous smirk in return. Obviously a bit stunned, Homestar needed a kick-start. Strong Bad grabbed his hand, guided it down his torso and slipped it under the waistband of his tights. That was all it really took before Homestar's brain switched back on, and realised what he was expected to do.

Unfortunately it was a little too late, as over the intercom the captain announced that everyone had to return to their seats as they began their descent. Strong Bad looked visibly pissed off, and slid off the counter. He turned to Homestar, to find a mixture of apology and disappointment in his face. Figuring he should at least make the kid feel a bit better, Strong Bad said "I expect you to give me your hotel room number." before slipping out the door and making his way to his station. Homestar's smile immediately returned and he walked back to his seat in a daze. He just sat there with the same goofy look as he fastened his seat belt and prepared for landing. Never before had he felt so happy when the plane began its "descent into death" as he used to call it. All he wanted was to get off, get through the airport as quickly as possible and race to the hotel…with the amazing air 'hostess' he had fallen for in one


End file.
